Causes of abuses in Relationships


Last year, I lived in an environment where people need no TV to wash off stress. I had neighbours who knew how to make scenes through constant fights and abuses. I wouldn’t say these scenes were exciting, rather, they won my pity. I couldn’t help; no, not at all! I’m not the kind who jumps in to settle disputes in relationships because you can’t really guarantee a win-win situation. When they are back together, you’ll become an enemy for having blamed one person for the fight. So what I did was to keep on writing, with the hope that they will keep on reading.

Relationships, whether Marital or Premarital are very delicate affairs that may earn one lifetime abuses if not well managed. The causes of these abuses are enormous, and at times, not absolute. The following will be discussed in light of contemporary realities.

You forced yourself on your partner

The purpose of some people in premarital relationships is something else aside marriage. The other partner who gets carried away by the bliss may make plans to eternalize the union. Cases have been recorded where pregnancy has been used as a major bait to achieve this. Some use threats, wealth, and means beyond the ordinary to gain their way into a union which future is uncertain. Truth is, no mater the means used, when entry into marriage is not mutually accepted, the couple are doomed forever. There may always be abuses ranging from insult to battery. Most prominent in Nigeria is the killing of husbands by some Hausa Ladies who got married before the age of 16 to a man whose life, they’ve never been part of; Some were forced by parents to marry, some forced by situations, some enticed by wealth. Sure thing is, when the mote falls off the eyes, there will always be a modicum of revolt which may cause the disintegration of such union if not properly managed.
Most prominent in Nigeria is the killing of husbands by some Hausa Ladies who got married before the age of 16 to a man whose life, they’ve never been part of; Some were forced by parents to marry, some forced by situations, some enticed by wealth. Sure thing is, when the mote falls off the eyes, there will always be a modicum of revolt which may cause the disintegration of such union if not properly managed.

You’re a liability

Getting married to a Monarch in Saudi Arabia whose wealth is eternal and getting married to a Nigerian Civil Servant whose wage starts from ₦18,000 are entirely different feats; they can never be paralleled – no, not in the same direction. Not every man needs a woman who “belongs to the kitchen and the other room” only, neither does every woman need a man who “belongs to the living room” only. If it used to be, from the current economic realities, someone may be forced to believe that such is a debate of the past.Realities have shown that partners who are not self-reliant, not to talk of being supportive face the most abuses in relationships. If all a partner does is to wait for the other to be back from office before the Gas Cylinder can be refilled, the one who is the “Tom and Jack” may one day walk into the house, on sighting the other, he may see a fat cow who is incapable of nothing.

Consequently, abuses will set in; everything the partner does will start being annoying; name calling may set in, and such is not healthy for any relationship.
Realities have shown that partners who are not self-reliant, not to talk of being supportive face the most abuses in relationships. If all a partner does is to wait for the other to be back from office before the Gas Cylinder can be refilled, the one who is the “Tom and Jack” may one day walk into the house, on sighting the other, he may see a fat cow who is incapable of nothing.

Consequently, abuses will set in; everything the partner does will start being annoying; name calling may set in, and such is not healthy for any relationship.

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You’re using your mouth more than your brain

Story is told of a woman who used to face constant physical assault by the husband. She went to a Witch Doctor to give her charms that will make the husband to love her more and stop battering her. The Witch Doctor gave her a loop of charms. He told her to put the charm in her mouth each time the husband is angry, and also warned her not to allow the husband see it. The embattled wife heeded the advice, and it worked. Her husband gradually stopped assaulting her physically; though he talked at times, but his nagging attitude gradually came to an end.
Unknown to this embattled wife was that the loop of supposed charms given to her by the Witch Doctor contained no charm or any substance that could influence her husband’s behavioural pattern; the Witch Doctor was simply helping her to always shut her mouth each time the husband is angry.Unfortunately, this has been the habit of some partners; their mouth works faster than their brain. A partner who desires peace in a relationship would learn to control how that dangerous cavity is opened. Learn to listen more and talk less. Use your brain more than you use your mouth.
Unfortunately, this has been the habit of some partners; their mouth works faster than their brain. A partner who desires peace in a relationship would learn to control how that dangerous cavity is opened. Learn to listen more and talk less. Use your brain more than you use your mouth.

You’re not respecting yourself

Abuses may not always involve physical attacks. Other forms of abuses include blackmail, psychological abuses etc.Infidelity in a relationship is one factor that is capable of bringing a lovely union to ruin. Where a cheating partner is caught, the other may think of revenge, divorce, or ceaseless abuses. It leads to loss of respect and trust of one’s partner.

Modern realities show that most people who are cheated on contemplate divorce or ceaseless verbal and emotional abuses. Only few contemplate revenge; to them, cheating on their partner too is the perfect way to shake off the dust.
Infidelity in a relationship is one factor that is capable of bringing a lovely union to ruin. Where a cheating partner is caught, the other may think of revenge, divorce, or ceaseless abuses. It leads to loss of respect and trust of one’s partner.

Modern realities show that most people who are cheated on contemplate divorce or ceaseless verbal and emotional abuses. Only few contemplate revenge; to them, cheating on their partner too is the perfect way to shake off the dust.
Some partners talk too much, insult their partners, and show them the disrespect other people can’t even show. Such is not healthy for any relationship. In the event that it happens, the victimized partner may start seeing that as a normal and desired lifestyle, and truly become a monster created by you.

Your partner is ready to back off

So many factors may cause a partner to contemplate backing off a relationship. Though some people are unwilling to talk about these causes, modern realities have shown that Infidelity, Religious Indifferences, Sexual Incompatibility, Behavioural Conflict, Unruly Autonomy, and a combination of other factors discussed above may force a partner to be weary of a relationship.In the event that he or she can’t find the nearest escape route, strange and unruly behaviour will set in so that you may be the one to serve a divorce. If the afflicted partner is a patient individual who pays deaf ears to all the signs, abuses may set in by the one desperate to back off.
In the event that he or she can’t find the nearest escape route, strange and unruly behaviour will set in so that you may be the one to serve a divorce. If the afflicted partner is a patient individual who pays deaf ears to all the signs, abuses may set in by the one desperate to back off.

Conclusively, relationship bliss is a feat every couple must strive to achieve. Before you can earn bliss and happiness in a relationship, you must be happy with yourself first. Your unhappiness will resurface and manifest itself in destructive ways in a relationship if you get into one before you’re happy alone.

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2 Comments

  1. Hmmm. I can’t taste the sting of an abusive relationship again. I better walk away when I see the signs than “try to revive an old doll”!

    Lol. Iboro, thanks for sharing this piece.

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